Here is an interview with my folks, Don and Alma, on how to get to 60 years of marriage and be so in love. Love is always in fashion, isn’t it?

Mom and Dad, still smiling after 60 years of marriage

Hope you enjoy!

Don and Alma on 60 Years of Marriage,  2011

What qualities are necessary to be married 60 years?

Don: Have a positive attitude. Humor goes along with that.

Alma: We had the ability to laugh at ourselves.

Don: Take a day at a time. If you have a down day, wait 48 hours. The sun will shine again.

Why did you marry Don?

I just knew he’d make these real cute babies.

Why did you marry Alma?

She had a wonderful smile, a wonderful disposition and was fun to be with. I was looking forward to a mate and togetherness.

Why it works

Alma: We’re each other’s best friends. We can trust each other and bare our souls.

Don: And have an honest discussion.

Alma: There’s always someone there to help you whether it’s physical or emotional.

Don and Alma: We’ve been lucky and we’ve been blessed. We’ve had lots of good friends all our life and good family to back us up.

Don: We’re always concerned about each other.

Alma: We worry about each other. That’s the sad part that happens now and then.

Best tools for getting through tough times

Don: Communication.

Alma: We’re more optimists than pessimists. If one gets down, the other one pulls us up.

Don appreciates Alma for …

She finds the clothes for me to wear so I depend on that and her cleanliness in our home.

Alma appreciates Don for …

I’m real content going with him in a car because I think he’s a very good driver.

Togetherness

Don and Alma: We always have something to talk about. We love staying up until one in the morning with the lights out and music on and just visiting. When we reminisce, it’s about the good things, not the bad. We omit the bad things that have happened and remember the good times.

Fears

Alma: I thought after two weeks of marriage we wouldn’t have anything to talk about.

Don: That’s a good one! That is absolutely precious!

Their advice to others

Don: Enjoy life!

Alma: We’re thankful for every day and look forward to many more. We’ll never get enough.

I found myself missing the old days when everyone wore tee shirts that declared something about themselves – their political persuasion, favorite band, sense of humor, personal interests. I love how they helped you realize whether or not someone was a member of your tribe or not. If they were wearing a tee shirt with something on it that you resonated with, you could make a comment and soon find yourself a new best friend!

This weekend was Father’s Day weekend and I spotted a couple of guys wearing tee shirts with writing on them. One guy had a tee shirt that said “Boston” across his chest. “You must be excited about those Bruins!” I offered. The Boston Bruins just won the Stanley Cup in hockey. You might have read about it. “Yup,” he responded.  I thought he might be a little more excited about it than that considering they haven’t won that title since 1972.

The next guy spotted with writing on his tee shirt was a gentleman whose faded shirt said “World’s greatest grandpa” on it. I said to him as he passed by, “You don’t look old enough to be a grandpa.”

He said, “Oh, but I am!”

I said, “No, I think you’re wearing someone else’s tee shirt.”

“Now you’re just flirting with me,” he said with a chuckle.

I was sitting at an outdoor table with Russ sipping lattes so it wasn’t exactly flirting but it was fun being accused of it nonetheless.

My parents are experts at starting up conversations with strangers. They do it everywhere they go. You’d think that would have rubbed off on me but I’m actually on the shy side. But I’ve decided to be more vocal. I’m going to make more comments on people’s clothes. “Hey, great color!” or “I love the shoes” or “You’re really stylin’” will be my opening lines. I’ll see what happens!

Have you commented on someone’s clothes and had it turn into a great connection? I’d love to hear about it!

I can’t resist. I was catching up on my reading this morning — last Thursday’s New York Times fashion section, particularly an article about scarves being the “it” accessory — and decided I had to add to the conversation. I’ve written about scarves a lot. I devoted a chapter to the subject in my first book, 40 Over 40. I’m going to share that chapter here. If you haven’t fallen in love with scarves yet, I hope this will convince you to RUN right out and find one that’s just right for you.

Here you go, “A Scarf is a Very Useful Thing” from 40 Over 40.

The French woman knows that a scarf is more valuable than rent money. It’s hard to believe that across a mere ocean is a land of women in terror of them. How can that be?

Maybe it’s the bad rap scarves have gotten in movies.

Let’s clear this up right away. As far as I know, only one person has actually died from wearing a scarf and that was Isodora Duncan, the dancer. In the final scene of Isodora, starring Vanessa Redgrave, she’s riding carefree and drunk in an open Bugatti sports car, when the ends of her long red scarf wrap around a gleaming spoked wheel and she’s strangled instantly.

And, of course, if you rent Basic Instinct you’ll see in the opening scene that an Hermes scarf is an accessory to a violent crime involving an ice pick. That’s really too bad. Scarves shouldn’t get such a bad wrap like that. They are benevolent by nature and only dangerous in the wrong hands.

Consider these wonderful things that only scarves can do:

1.  Keep the neck warm as fall leaves fly and winter beckons. Traditional Chinese doctors will advise keeping the neck covered to keep external pernicious influences from entering the body in the back of the neck, especially the wind.  The scarf is preventive medicine.

2.  Contribute to the longevity of suit jackets and blazers by protecting the neckline when worn inside along the collar. Saves money that would’ve been spent at the dry cleaners.

3.  Two scarves packed in a suitcase provide variety and entertainment to travel outfits in neutral colors like black, navy, or camel. Tie a scarf to the handle of your generic black suitcase and spot it instantly on the lugguage carousel at the airport.

4.  A scarf is good for hiding salad dressing tracks on a silk blouse.

5.  In the hands of a romantic, a scarf can be a creative tool in the bedroom.

6.  A scarf framing a woman’s face in luscious colors can give her more confidence, intrigue, and allure than a doctorate degree from Yale.

cotton dragon scarf for summer outfits

I doubt the instructional videos in scarf departments in large retail stores is inspiring anyone. They’re boring and dorky. What you need to do is watch some movies on Saturday night with show-stopping scarf scenes.

Start with Where Sleeping Dogs Lie, a movie starring Sharon Stone and Dylan McDermott. The first time we see Sharon she’s headed for her white convertible wearing a white (probably Chanel) suit, white baubley bracelet and a long white chiffon scarf  that trails down her backside. It’s unlikely that many will wear this look for day, but it sure works for evening and it’s easy. She drives away with the top down, but the windows are rolled up. She’s seen the movie, Isodora.

In An Affair to Remember, Deborah Kerr works a similar look. She wears a lovely white ensemble, a sheath dress and matching white coat, white gloves and a white chiffon scarf floating away from her hair as sheer as jellyfish while she slaps a quick, witty, brilliant remark on Cary Grant that leaves him speechless.

The Best Scarf in a Motion Picture shows up at the end of Bodyguard. Whitney Houston and her entourage are in her private plane and about to take off when she orders the pilot to stop. Whitney descends from the plane and runs across the tarmac into Kevin Costner’s arms. The camera spots the black and white snakeprint scarf that’s wrapped around her head and spins around from overhead, showing it from every angle with the theme song swelling in the background: “And I-I-I will always love you-ou-ou.”

Your scene shouldn’t be without a scarf. Maybe you bought a lady-like fitted suit last month.  Line the inside of it with a scarf like Fionna does in the scene from Three Weddings and a Funeral where Hugh Grant ends up at the table with all his past girlfriends.

Maybe you have a short knit plum colored skirt and you plan to wear a lime green shirt with it. A scarf mixing these colors will add dash to your outfit. Need to see it? Check out Uma Thurman in The Truth About Cats and Dogs where Uma’s character, as brainy as a bag of nails, is sharp enough to don a kicky neck scarf for a bohemian look that also keeps viral riff raff out. Two thumbs way up.

I was in the dressing room with a client helping her find a bathing suit (we found three fabulous ones she couldn’t resist!) when she told me about a must-see movie. I made a point of seeing it the next chance I had and she joined Russ and I for a Saturday matinee. Everyone I’ve run into has heard me go on and on about this film and now you’re hearing it too!

Bill Cunningham New York is a documentary about him and his life and career in New York, photographing people on the street. His “On the Street” photo column appears every Sunday in the Fashion & Style section of the New York Times. It’s a half page collage of photos depicting one theme per week. You might see his street shots of people in trench coats, footwear, rain gear, men’s jackets, plaid, texture, color, etc. He’ll stand on the streets of New York waiting for interesting fashion to go by. He photographs it, organizes the photos in themes so we, the readers, can enjoy the spectacle just like he does. Oh, and he’s an octogenarian who bikes all around New York on his 29th bicycle (the last 28 were stolen). His passion is boundless. The mystery around what makes him tick is nearly as vast. This film could be playing in an art house near you. Check it out!

Quote from the movie

– photographer Bill Cunningham as quoted from the documentary, Bill Cunningham New York

Clothing as armor
In the meantime, I’ve been thinking about what he said about clothing being armor that we can’t do without. I may not call it armor but I do absolutely believe that what we wear helps us function in life with more confidence and ease than if we just wore one uniform our whole life – which actually, Bill Cunningham does! (Odd, I know, but that’s why you have to see the movie and join in on this conversation!)

Clothes give off strong vibes
To help you understand how I interpret this, I’ve got three examples for you. I know that when I need to or want to feel powerful in a situation, my clothes can help support me.
I’ll choose crisp fabrics, something with a collar, strong jewelry pieces. Perhaps I’ll wear contrast in my colors because that’s more powerful than soft, pastel colors. Sometimes when I walk into a room of strangers, I want to feel stronger. Or maybe when I give a presentation and really want someone’s attention, I’ll dress in a more formal, powerful way.

A power core of pieces
Symbols that help you look powerful, when maybe you could use some help include:

1. Crisp fabrics
2. Bold jewelry
3. High contrast in colors
4. Strong collars
5. Military details like brass buttons and epalets
6. High-heeled, closed-toe shoes

Put away the powerful and bring out the playful
So if you or I have a job where we have to wear our “powerful” faces Monday through Friday, we have to be able to tell our brains to knock it off on the weekend and go out and have some fun! By changing our clothes, we can change our thoughts and create a new experience. Clothes can help us relax.

Playful pieces encourage play
Some clothing options to encourage our brains to get out and have some fun include:

1. Prints, especially polka dots, abstract prints, soft stripes, florals
2. Open toed shoes
3. Details like bows, or in the shirt above, tying the ends of the blouse together instead of tucking them in
4. Floppy brimmed hats
5. Softly structured bags, fabric bags

Clothes that comfort
Who doesn’t need cozy clothes? Sometimes when you come home from work you want to get out of your work clothes but it’s too early to slip into jammies. That’s when you need some clothes that sooth, comfort, and cradle you. This is a sub-group of people’s lifestyle that often does not get the attention it deserves. People resort to horrible, worn out items that have morphed into comfort clothes because they’ve been washed and dried a thousand times. But you couldn’t run out and pick up some ice cream wearing them. You may be used to them but the public could be appalled. Come on! ‘Fess up! You know it’s true! Give this important part of your life the respect and attention it deserves.

Cozy clothes doesn’t mean worn out or sloppy clothes
Symbols of clothes that give off a comforting vibe include:

1. Soft, drapy, fluid pieces
2. Fabrics are soft, never scratchy or stiff
3. Knits make great comfy separates
4. Shoes are easy to wear and aren’t full of detail
5. Handbag has a slouchy shape and is in a soft leather
6. No hard creases in pants

So tell me about your clothing armor! What you’re wearing to face the world? How does it make you feel?

The first words out of the first winner of the night, Robert Stromberg for Art Direction, were, “Why didn’t I lose those twenty pounds?” It garnered laughs and spoke to those of us regular folks in the TV watching audience. I remember getting on the scale one particular day, seeing a number that was higher than I’d seen before and thinking flippantly, “Well, at least I’m not going to be on Oprah this week.” And by the end of the week, The Oprah Winfrey Show was calling me about being on the show. When we filmed my appearance two weeks later, there were many more things to think about than my weight but I can say I know the feeling, Robert!

The second guy who got up to accept the second award – Wally Pfister for Cinematography – had his glasses perched on top of his head the whole journey to the podium. I’m thinking, “Why are they there? Please pull them off before you reach the stage. Or maybe he needs them to read his list of supporters who helped him get this award.” But when he got to the podium, he didn’t pull the glasses down, he just spoke and walked away—with the glasses still on top of his head, like he had just been welding a car part and had taken a break to accept this award. Note to nominees: if accepting an award, take glasses off head. Distracting.

Want to know what to wear if you have a long neck? A dress with a really tall collar like Melissa Leo had on when she accepted the award for Best Supporting Actress. That collar went on forever, as did her neck, as did her general hysterics at winning.

Helen Mirren wore a gown in this year’s most powerful, dreamy, scrumptious color – gray – and looked glorious as ever! She’s in the Lifetime Achievement category of Oscar fashion moments—always looking great.

Reese Witherspoon proves that black and white always looks right. I had a flashback to Julia Robert’s gown, the year she won for playing Erin Brockovich. Remember that black and white vintage Valentino gown? I think it’s in the Hall of Oscar Fashion Fame. Fab!

Nicole Kidman wore a spring trend—the choker! Hers wasn’t costume jewelry, I’m sure, but I bet there will be a lot of inexpensive versions out in the market place in the next five minutes!

Scarlett Johansson. Russ, sitting next to me, said it first –  “What’s up with the hair?” She’s been consistently wearing her hair in the heavy-on-product way that makes me reach for that term—bedhead – while scratching my own head. Why that choice, Scarlett?

Next shoulda, woulda, coulda statement: Luke Metheny, winner for Live Action Short Film got up and his first words were, “I should have gotten a haircut.” He was so charming, funny and sweet that I suspect most people gave him a pass on the out-of-control hair by the end of his acceptance speech – in which he thanked his mom … for providing catering services.

Oprah Winfrey presented the award for Best Documentary. Her makeup was sensational. Her hair was sensational. She was wearing a gown in that favorite color again – gray – and while I was redesigning it in my head, Russ was giving the reason why: “They should have toned down the boobs,” he said. Which actually was where my brain was only instead of toning down the boobs, in my mind I was exaggerating the shoulder line of the dress – making it bigger and wider – which would have toned down the boobs! The winner for best documentary, Charles Ferguson, wanted it on record: “Let the record show, I’m not wearing jeans.” Because you thought an award’s show that billions will view was the place to wear jeans?

Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law brought some life to the Oscar party when they showed up to present. But I wanted to do two things: straighten Jude’s bow tie and button another button on Robert Downey Juniors jacket. He had the top button buttoned but then you saw his white shirt peeking out and it made the jacket look either too tight (like those twenty pounds the first guy talked about) or just ill-fitting. There are three buttons on most men’s jackets. The top two could have been buttoned and he’d have avoided a disheveled look.

Jennifer Hudson has lost eighty pounds thanks to Weight Watchers. Great job! And she’s been looking fabulous in everything … except for that red dress! She looked like an imposter of herself. I’ve seen images of her since her weight loss so that part wasn’t shocking to me, but that dress was a miss. You have to get the boobs right and hers were taped up into that dress but it added to how uncomfortable she looked in her body. I’d understand that her body is new to her but her handlers could have made a better choice, one that was more in keeping with her personality.

I was personally moved by the quote they put on the screen after the sequence on the movie people who have passed on this year. Lena Horne said, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” I had just reached the couch to watch the Oscars after having spent the weekend with my breast cancer support group – we all met while going through treatment together about seven years ago and we were enjoying this weekend away at Sea Ranch. That quote of Lena’s was on my bulletin board while I was going through treatment. What it meant to me at the time was that the load of going through cancer treatment wouldn’t break me down if I carried it right – and those ladies in my support group helped me do that. Thanks, Gorgeous Ones!

In my notes, Annette Bening, a presenter and a nominee gets the best-dressed award for old school movie star glamour. She was in an Oscar worthy gown, so glistening, so great! Kathryn Bigelow, the winning director from last year, gets my award for new school gown. She wore a long red gown with long-sleeves, kind of architectural with shoulder slit peepholes. It was very modern but not goofy. The person who was in the what-school-would-that-be-anyway category was past winner, Cate Blanchett. Odd dress!

Sandra Bullock redeemed herself after her odd Golden Globe hair and getup in January. She’s back to looking like the movie star Sandra in her gorgeous red gown with hair pulled back.

And the person I was expecting to give us the outfit most likely to be talked about on Monday—Helena Bonham Carter—was actually quite toned down for her.

So, what were your favorites? Who was closest to wearing a dress you could see yourself in?

I got to thinking, in the middle of decorating the house for the holidays, about dressing the middle … that part of a woman’s body that many women hate. If you’re a woman who is over forty-five or fifty, I bet you’ve complained about it a hundred times this year so far. You’ve said things like:
“I used to show off my waist and now I can’t find one!”
“What do I do about these rolls?”
“My body’s betrayed me! I don’t know how to dress anymore!”
“I feel so old now.”

This bag begins to cover the area many women complain about

Believe me, I’ve heard the complaints, but I don’t believe any body part should be hated so join me in some new fashion math that can have you loving your middle.

Go Vertical

Create a vertical focus that draws attention up to the face

In the outfit above – a sleeveless gray tee (by Classiques at Nordstrom) with a gray ¾ sleeved cardigan sweater over it (by Theory) – the waistline isn’t the focus. The interest is in the vertical center section of the torso. The different directions of ribbon on the stretchy t-shirt as well as the multiple strands of beads that fill in at the neck provide distraction from the middle. Middle? What middle?

More vertical interest

In this outfit above, which could be worn with a trouser or a skinny blue jean and heels, there’s more vertical interest. The ruffles that line the button placket of the olive green silk blouse draw the eye up to the face. The sequined jacket is cut more square with a pleat in the back that draws in some of the fabric so it’s not too baggy. The contrast of the sparkly sequins to the smooth silk adds more interest to the outfit. Waist? Who cares!

Soft folds and side detail with buttons creates a waist detail while camouflaging rolls

Here’s a sweater (above) that is more friendly than a close-fitting pullover. The gentle gathering into the waist at the side actually provides extra fabric for those rolls to hide behind while creating the illusion of a waistline. No one will mistake a twenty-eight inch waist for a thirty-three inch waist but it’s the line we’re going for, not the exact measurements. The necklace draws the eye up which creates a longer, leaner line. Not bad for post-holiday waistlines!

Filling in the center of the body is the new direction to follow

This outfit has a lot of detail that fills in the center core of the body. The individual pieces are a ¾ sleeve scoopneck knit dressy tee, a sleeveless leather vest that looks best open rather than zipped closed, the same knotted necklace that’s in the picture before this one, and a cotton boa scarf tied in a simple hangman’s knot. I’ve worn this outfit a couple of dozen times already. What’s great is that I can take the top layers off and it still works. If I’m in a warm room, I can take the scarf off and the vest still has a lot of interest at the top. The sparkly necklace is a fun, feminine contrast to the leather motorcycle-styled vest.  I could even take the vest off if I wanted to because the top is not clingy. I don’t have to be worried about showing rolls when there’s no fabric clinging to them.

So, remember, you’re not decorating the waistline as much as you’re decorating the line perpendicular to it – that imaginary vertical line that would intersect your belly-button and your breastplate. There’s no reason to give up on fashion just because your body has changed. Embrace the changes and have fun!

With John Denver and the Muppets singing “The 12 Days of Christmas” in the background, it’s time once again to provide a quiz that will challenge what brain cells you have available this time of year. I might also be able to entice you to appreciate the effort put into presenting the year’s fashion choices that got your attention, served a purpose, lifted your spirits, made you feel like a million bucks while not costing a million bucks, and maybe won you some second looks and a few compliments. That’s fashion’s job. Were you engaged in it this year?

You might also have noticed a few fashion faux pas in your comings and goings. I sure did. Skirts up to there, pants down to there and the wearing of clashing trends that threatened my sense of right and wrong. (Anybody watch American Idol this year? Randy liked Siobhan Magnus’ crazy outfits. I didn’t. She lost.)

So take a deep breath, get out a pencil (so you can erase and think twice about your final answer) and give it your best. Score two points for each correct answer. If you fashion brainiacs score 18 – 24 points, send me your favorite fashion blog sites. I want what you have! If your score is 10 – 16 points, don’t feel bad. Fashion never stops. You can look forward to fashion rehab in 2011, getting ample tips from TV’s stylish Mad Men when it returns for the next season; score 2 – 8 points and I’ll understand you’ve been getting your fashion advice from the pages of Field & Stream. Score 0 points and you need to heed Mark Twain’s advice. He said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” Put some clothes on and do it with meaning. Before you reach for that stylish scarf and head out the door, answer these questions and score your fashion sense.

• • • •

1. The person who said the following, rocked the fashion world in February with news of his suicide: “I think the idea of mixing luxury and mass-market fashion is very modern—wearing head-to-toe designer has become a bit passe. It’s a new era in fashion—there are no rules. It’s all about the individual and personal style, wearing high-end, low-end, classic labels and up-and-coming designers all together.”

That designer’s name is:

a. Yves Saint Laurent

b. Giorgio Armani

c. Alexander McQueen

d. Ralph Lauren

2. New York retailers such as Juicy Couture, Niketown, Victoria Secret and Abercrombie & Fitch had a lot of worries this year. They worried about their bottom line, how deep to dip into discounts in order to get people into the stores, plus what?

a. negative feedback from their racy ads

b. their company spokespeople being jailed for drug possession

c. falling stock prices

d. bedbugs

3. While we’re getting used to seeing clothing pieces that have content labels that might include hemp or bamboo, another material showed up in an eye-catching ensemble this year worn by a performer at an awards show. That material in the outfit was:

a. linoleum

b. Astroturf

c. raw meat

d. recycled film

4. After years of bare legs—in winter or summer—what is the latest trend in hosiery?

a. ankle socks

b. patterned tights

c. knee highs

d. all of the above

5. The jean style that got the most attention this year was:

a. the skinny jean

b. the wide-legged jean

c. the holey jean

d. patchwork jeans

6. What connects Tiffany’s and a red thong?

a. Tiffany earrings plus a red thong were all that Charlie Sheen was wearing when police broke up a party at his hotel room in New York last month.

b. Neiman Marcus advertises a $15,000 jeweled red thong by Tiffany’s in this year’s holiday catalog (hand wash only).

c. Tiffany bracelets and red thongs were the coveted backstage goodie bag items at this year’s Oscar awards show.

d. The World Championship trophy designed by Tiffany’s and Aubrey Huff’s red thong shared the stage at City Hall when San Francisco celebrated the Giants’ World Series win in November.

7. If you got a Brazilian this year, it means you are now sporting ________.

a. the skimpiest bikini ever

b. straight hair

c. giant sunglasses

d. hemp flip-flops

8. A much-publicized line was created and launched by a mother-daughter team this year for teens. That team is:

a. Madonna and daughter Lourdes

b. Blythe Danner and daughter Gwyneth Paltrow

c. Naomi Judd and daughter Wynonna

d. Joan Rivers and daughter Melissa

9. No-iron khakis and wrinkle-free blouses and shirts mean the steam iron stays in the closet. One of the key ingredients that makes these items wrinkle-free is:

a. formaldehyde

b. paint thinner

c. motor oil

d. cornstarch

10. Lindsay Lohan became the artistic adviser for the house of Ungaro in 2009. How did that work out?

a. The collection was a bust and Giles Deacon has taken over and turned it around.

b. Best known for its haute couture, with Lindsay’s influence the line had more street appeal.

c. Hemlines went up and so did the stock prices.

d. Just like Rapper T.I., who launched a new record from prison that sold like crazy, under Lindsay’s vision the house of Ungaro has sold a record number of units.

11. Looking back on 2010, we’ll remember the year most for:

a. the color “nude”

b. clogs

c. dresses

d. all of the above

12. The movie that did not provide a fashion fix in 2010 was:

a. Burlesque

b. Black Swan

c. Valentino: The Last Emperor

d. Sex and the City II

• • • •

4. d. Your mother is happy. No longer can she say, “You’re not going out barelegged, are you? You’ll freeze to death!”

5. a. The skinny jean wins out even though we saw patchworked and holey ones emerge. Everyone’s wearing skinny jeans—whether that’s the best choice for her frame or not.

6. d. Go Giants!

7. b. Called a Brazilian blowout, this keratin process straightens curly hair for up 12 weeks.

8. a. The line was launched at Macy’s and is called Material Girl.

9. a. Yup! Who’d have thunk it?

10. a. Sticking movie stars on the face of product lines isn’t always the answer.

11. d. Just don’t wear the clogs with the nude-colored dress.

12. c. Valentino, the movie, was so last year! But you must rent or own the DVD. It’s awesome!

This is my annual fashion quiz that I write for the Pacific Sun. It appeared there first on Christmas Eve day.

Today I am thankful for turtleneck alternatives. Yes, it’s turtleneck time. It’s chilly, blustery, and time to protect the neck from incoming chills that could threaten your fall/winter wellness. I am a big believer in the Chinese medicine lore that keeping the neck covered in bad weather means less colds, flu and diseases.

But I’m also a fashion consultant and ladies, if you’re thinking about wearing that turtleneck, I’m going to have to take a look at your ID. If your driver’s license hints that you’re over fifty, I’ll need you to step aside for a fashion test before you go out into the world and meet your public.

I worked with a client last week who was getting ready to celebrate her 50th birthday. We were planning her weekend outfits for all the festivities and she was hinting at including a turtleneck. When I demanded to see it on her, she just sung a little tune and obliged me. “I live for turtlenecks,” she said. “My sister always teases me. She says, ‘Which turtleneck do you want to be buried in?’”

Yes, very funny I’m thinking, but I’m wearing my fashion police hat. If she doesn’t pass inspection, she’s not wearing that turtleneck–no way! Soon she has it on and I make her look in all directions–north, south, east, and west–and sure enough, no part of the turtleneck grabs her delicate neck skin, tugging at it until it makes uncompromising, unflattering creases and folds. Nothing makes a lovely woman look fifteen years older than a turtleneck that mercilessly distorts the neck skin–while the wearer is not even aware!

Take Diane Keaton, for instance. I squirmed uncomfortably as I watched her on Oprah one time, wearing a fabulous outfit that included a too-tight turtleneck. Her neck aged her by decades that day. How could her publicist have not noticed?

But alas, there are alternatives. The scarf! The lovely, lovely, scarf. You can still be cozy and warm in cashmere sweaters with crew necks or v-necks. And then you take a scarf, twist it in a hangman’s knot (sorry, that’s what it’s called) and you have an instant turtleneck! Only now, you’re fashionable, chic, and looking five to ten years younger than you are simply because your neck skin is not being pulled at.

I am woman. I roar. But put me in a turtleneck and make me look in the mirror and I will crumble. Meeting the reflection of the me that is over fifty as I witness the surreal things my skin is doing in that turtleneck is a road I don’t want to take more than once. In a sweater and a scarf I can still fool myself that I’m closer to the age I feel, not the age I look. I can live with that.

What’s your favorite turtleneck alternative?

left to right: Marj, Brenda, Lynn, Nicole

As some of you know, I meet with two other image consultants once a month to brainstorm, share resources, go on field trips and just enjoy each other’s delightful company. It’s a tradition that’s been going on for nearly ten years! This month, we had a guest member join us, Nicole who was visiting from New York. What fun we had! On one of the prettiest days in the wine country, we enjoyed a late September afternoon lunch at Bardessono, my favorite (and beautiful!) hotel and spa in Yountville.

What better place to bring up a question that’s been on my mind. I think about beauty, as in how we put ourselves together using clothes and accessories in a pleasing way, and I think, “Why would anyone bother?” It’s the devil’s advocate question you already know how I feel about the subject. I’ve written countless articles, newsletters and books about it. I think beauty is a salve for the soul and the reward for living what can be a challenging life.

Certainly, there is plenty of evidence out there that people don’t bother! It hurts my eyes from time to time when I see it. Yet, there have to be compelling reasons to bother and I wondered what my cohorts thought about the subject.

We’re a group that believes from personal experience as well as professional experience, that you feel better about yourself and what’s in front of you to do today when you look sharp, pulled together, and inviting. But what really compels someone to make the effort?

Nicole made the point that if you spend your day social networking, you could be in your jammies all day. Who would know the difference? But she lives in New York and certainly, when you walk out onto the streets, there are people who are dressed and inspiring to look at. That alone can create the impetus to make an effort.

Other contributions to the discussion –

Lynn: “I’m living my life once so I need to make it an event. I’m going to grab the gusto and put on something I love to wear. I’m not that tied into what others are doing. They have their one life to live and that’s fine.”

Marj: “I like being surrounded by color, texture, interest and creativity. I just think it pleases other people to look nice.”

Nicole: “Fashion and beauty isn’t easy and if you don’t know how to do it, it becomes a chore. Maybe in their hearts, people want to look good but they’re worried it’s going to cost too much.”

I know that beauty doesn’t have to cost a fortune, style can be developed, dressing well can be learned. And I think it’s worth the effort. Please, would you share your thoughts on the subject? I’d love to know what do you think. Why do you make the effort or not?

If you’re planning a frugal fall in the fashion department, it’s especially wise to know that what you purchase will really get used, worn, be delightful and enjoyable. Otherwise, you’re not getting enough pleasure from it. Fashion should excite us or help project qualities we want advertised in the world. Otherwise, why bother? Don’t spend your money on something that doesn’t DO something for you besides just covering up your body.

I purchased a necklace from the Carlisle collection this spring didn’t wear it right away. I wondered — oh, did I make a mistake? But then I started pulling it out and working with it. What makes me feel great is that I now have worn this necklace at least three different ways and I think that’s a good standard to go for. Whatever you buy, can you wear it three ways? In times like these, it feels extravagant to purchase something that can only be worn one way — unless it’s a wedding dress!

Yesterday I took some quick shots with my iPhone camera, hence the graininess, but I wanted to share this idea with you in pictures. Here goes!

Necklace sits inside layered black shirts -- one satin, the other a crinkly fabric.

Necklace gets dressed up with satin jacket

Necklace perks up a jean jacket

In the first picture, my layered shirts were worn with skinny legged dark wash blue jeans and cute heeled sandals.

Worn the second way, it’s more dressed up with this black patent belted blue satin jacket with the shirt contrast, worn with black dressy pants and suede dressy flats.

Worn the third way, the necklace is paired with a t-shirt and a print skirt on these last days of summer. Great for the wine country.

The necklace is such a unique piece that I want to keep everything else rather simple so the Gray Beauty Bundle below adds enough but doesn’t distract from the unusual necklace.

It consists of two pearl bracelets worn on the same wrist as the 4 silver bangles with dainty flower detail. The ring is black with lots of sparkle material that reads a soft gray. The purse is a handled small bag in a shiny charcoal leather. The watch is black faced with stainless steel band. The Beauty Bundle can work with all three outfits. Now, because I can wear it 3 to 12 ways (most likely!), I certainly feel confident about my purchase.

What do you wear three ways?

Gray Beauty Bundle ties it all together