My grownup patent leather Mary Janes
Where I grew up in North Dakota, Sunday was the day you wore your best clothes. I mean the very best! I’d go to church in my shiny patent Mary Janes, my fanciest dress, my prettiest coat, a hat and maybe gloves.
Recently I started wondering if anybody thinks about wearing their best on Sunday or any day of the week?
Now I know many of you do that already. You think about looking your best every day. You put together an outfit that is pleasing to you and you go into your day feeling confident. Kudos to you, my friend!
Dress codes sink low
Dress codes have gotten so relaxed that I’m sure some people feel funny if they dress up just a little bit because no one around them is doing it.
This was very clear recently when we were working with a new client who wanted help with her style and looking sharper than she normally does. We’d had a shopping trip and she got several fun things. We were going to meet her in her closet to put outfits together with her new things so she could clearly understand the blueprint of her stepped up style.
When we got to her closet she was anxious. She’d gone to a community meeting at a neighbor’s house to support a local candidate in an upcoming election. She wore her normal rolled up jeans but added the new cute heeled sandals that she’d purchased on the shopping trip.
She said, “All of my neighbors were dressed so casually. I felt out of place.”
I pointed out a couple of things.
One: She’d called us to help her step up her style. Automatically this would mean moving away from our overly saturated casual fashion climate. I sympathized with her. She couldn’t expect to fit in with a dress code that’s sunk so low. She would feel like she’s sticking out from the rest. But was that a bad thing? I cited a case where we worked with another client who decided she wanted to look decent even if she was just hanging out at Starbuck’s. Her friends noticed the change right away and within a few weeks, they started looking better in their outfits. Her friends credited her for motivating them to put some effort into how they looked. Looking different turned into a leadership thing!
Two: I suggested to our client that she consider a different criteria altogether for getting dressed. “You can dress for the pure pleasure it brings you,” I told her. I knew how much pleasure those shoes brought her. The day she bought them she walked around the shoe department radiant and beaming. “Why deny yourself the enjoyment of enjoying how you look?” I asked. “Dressing to please yourself can come first.”
Three: We’ve all heard this one before: Just because someone else is doing it, it doesn’t mean you have to follow. So if everyone else is dressing like they’re about to organize the garage, it doesn’t mean we have to! Isn’t that a relief?
Our client looked darling in her new “stepped up” wardrobe. It only made sense to enjoy it because if not now, when?
Don’t miss out!
Getting dressed can be such a personal, loving act. It’s nurturing and kind. It’s respectful. If you don’t officially need to dress your Sunday best for something specific, maybe you can do it anyway.
Today whether you’re praising your version of the Divine, praising the day you’ve been given, or praising the ground you stand on, you can do it with your head held high, and a smile on your face while wearing an outfit that pleases you like crazy.
Can I get an Amen on this?
P.S. All this Sunday best talk has me thinking about my favorite hymns. Here are two CD collections that I especially love in case you’re an aficionado of gospel songs. Wait, does anybody listen to CDs anymore? Well, you might find them on Spotify as well. Enjoy!
How Great Thou Art by Elvis Presley (a 2 CD set)
Hymn by The American Boychoir available on Amazon
24 Comments
La semaine d'une gourmette
September 8, 2016 at 5:37 amSince I was in my early teens, I’ve always “overdressed”, and I never minded. I remeber going to high school in the 70s wearing a light blue silk vintage blouse with lace sleeves (probably from the 30s or 40s, I always loved vintage and it came dirt cheap at that time). I get a lot of compliments on the fact that I almost always have “nice” clothes on, with a colour coordination, assorted jewelry etc. And it gives me good reason to go on shopping – after all, I wear it all ! 😉
Brenda
September 8, 2016 at 7:44 amThanks so much for your response! You know, I just think we cannot be apologetic in any way for being “overdressed” in situations where people are “underdressed” or just neutral about fashion. I was at a gas station recently pumping gas into my car when someone got out of her car, came over to me, and said, “You look so great! I remember when more people used to dress up more. Keep at it.”
I think it’s appreciated more than we know.
Holly
September 8, 2016 at 11:02 amI just love this post! My mom always looks elegant…and she is 86 years old!
Brenda
September 8, 2016 at 9:16 pmI love that!
Kande Hall
September 8, 2016 at 11:02 amAMEN! I’ve always loved fashion, and frankly, taking the time to enhance a basic outfit with shoes, hats, scarves, jewelry and glasses has always made me feel more attractive and more relevant. My husband always appreciates that I take the time to elevate my look, especially when we go on dates, and we’ve been married 28 years 🙂
Brenda
September 8, 2016 at 9:18 pmLove these details! I resonate with your word “relevant”. Great point! Lucky you guys – 28 years is wonderful!
Ruthanne
September 8, 2016 at 1:09 pmYes, I agree. It is important to me to make an effort, every day. Why not look good every day? The family and friends in my life know I am very passionate about my style and rarely bat an eye over my outfits. I’m not an outrageous dresser but I always like to look well put together. Live your life, love your life and dress for it!
Brenda
September 8, 2016 at 9:19 pmMighty great words of fashion wisdom! Thanks for writing!
Beth
September 8, 2016 at 6:05 pmThose shoes Can you share details?
Brenda
September 8, 2016 at 9:20 pmI bought them at Nordstrom. They’re by Paul Green. I saw them in the store today in Corte Madera. They didn’t show up on the website though. Hope that helps!
Joan
September 9, 2016 at 1:36 pmDress like a slob because everyone else is?
Thankfully I never was one to follow the crowd..
Brenda
September 9, 2016 at 3:08 pmYay!! This makes me happy. I guess I see so much of the other that I begin to lament that no one cares. Glad to be wrong about that!
Katie
September 9, 2016 at 3:06 pmOne of the things I love most about the west coast city I live in is that you can wear pretty much anything at all and still fit in 🙂 When I look out my apartment kitchen window, or even in the heart of the downtown core, I see people in their Sunday-best walking next to others in shorts & sneakers, or jeans & boots or… you name it! At pedestrian intersections, there will be dressed-to-kill business people standing next to homeless people with shopping carts…and nobody bats an eye at anybody. I love that.
It’s always struck me that, given the way we dress is an expression of both personality and values, we should offer as much freedom and tolerance to that form of expression as we possibly can. As long as it stays within the bounds of decency and respect for others of course! Some people love to dress up and others hate to dress up and still others never give the subject a moment’s thought. And it’s all good. Freedom to be who we really are is one of the loveliest gifts we can offer each other.
I’ll also add that the reason I unfailingly read your blog and listen to your fashion advice Brenda, is that you have such a kind and open heart. You have managed to combine style and fashion with warmth and genuine caring. And I suspect that’s probably a pretty rare thing. So thank you!
Brenda
September 9, 2016 at 3:20 pmThank you for your thoughtful response. You remind me that of course, it is everyone’s right to do what they want based on their values and personality as you say. In my profession I have gotten to witness how “caring” totally transforms people’s lives. For some people, they had no idea based on childhood experiences that it was their right to look splendid and feel joyful and thoughtful through clothes. I know many women who grew up feeling they had to hide their love of fashion. Women couldn’t be smart AND attractive. They played down “attractive” to be valued for being smart. Wouldn’t it be great to “be” all of the things we are, no apologies?
I love the description of your west coast city. It’s all very rich and varied. As we are! I got to work yesterday with a woman who had lived most decades of her life being told she was one thing when she was. She didn’t trust her vision of herself, nor could she see her body. I look at people and see their splendor and hold that space for them until they can see it too. I’m so happy she’s giving herself this chance to right the wrong. I honor people’s right to choose and I champion people’s right to see themselves in a loving way. Thanks, Katie for the discussion!
Katie
September 9, 2016 at 7:34 pm“I look at people and see their splendor and hold that space for them until they can see it too.”
I know! And I think it’s completely fabulous that you do this! I can’t imagine a more satisfying life’s work.
I fervently hope I didn’t come across as critical, because that was the furthest thing from my intention. I totally admire your work and the way you approach it. The only point I was attempting to convey, aside from my joy in human diversity, is that the Sunday-best ethos can be a two-edged sword, if it messes with that diversity. As you have pointed out, there are many women who have been so squelched, they feel unworthy of looking their finest…which is truly heartbreaking. My experience in life has been the opposite…that if girls didn’t dress “up” to what critical others thought was the correct standard, they would be frowned on…and social pressure would be brought to bear to curb any preference for casual dress. I find both scenarios equally constricting, because either way the individual is being told that their natural form of self-expression is unsatisfactory and needs to be hidden.
Thanks for seeing our splendor and holding that space for us. That is truly beautiful.
Brenda
September 12, 2016 at 9:08 amKatie, I am loving this discussion! And thanks for explaining more too about that experience of having to dress for others. That is something I come across in my work a lot as well. No, I didn’t feel criticism at all but it made me realize I was perhaps coming close to a line myself of being critical which I do not mean to do. Women are criticized in many ways and I would never want to introduce another avenue for people to be criticized. On this issue, I would love to be of influence, to perhaps inspired people to consider another way around our dropping of dress codes. I’ve been so pleased to hear from so many people who are doing their thing and not going with that super dressed down casual flow.Bravo! I know what’s possible (as do you) when you one learns how to dress themselves to express their style DNA. It’s actually so freeing. It goes way beyond any rules. In fact for some people, expressing their DNA is all about BREAKING rules and I love and admire that. I started talking to people about things that influenced them about how they dress. It will be a blog post for sure. It was amazing how many people were thwarted either by messages growing up, being in relationships where the partner was controlling and critical. There are many obstacles. I’d like to remove them! But only if asked. Thanks, Katie for this discussion. I’d love more of it!
Lisa White
September 10, 2016 at 7:33 pmGreat article, Brenda! Everyday fashion has hit an all time low. Even some work environments are getting a bit too relaxed. Of course, children and grandchildren are very aware of this and it makes an impression. The other end of the pendulum swing is the emphasis on ultra thin, very young models either walking runways or pictured in glossy magazines. It is no wonder people give up and them pass along this attitude inadvertently to the impressionable. Perhaps, the pendulum will stop swinging from extreme to extreme. By choosing to make a little effort, we can find that place in the middle.
Brenda
September 12, 2016 at 9:10 amReally true. I think my life’s mission is to halt that “giving up” option. I think I want to start a list of reasons not to give up. Can you help me?
Ruthanne
September 13, 2016 at 7:47 amWhat an interesting discussion going on here! Katie and Lisa have brought in elements I had not considered! Thank you ladies.
Okay, reasons not to give up… For me I never consider giving up. Life goes forward on an incredible journey and I want to dress the part and that adds an extra element of the enjoyment of the journey.
I think people forget to have fun. Dressing up can be fun!
Self expression. What do you want to be saying to the world?
Be a role model for those people in your life looking up to you. You never know who these people are.
Experiment with what you like. If you fail so what, try again. Try something else. Start with baby steps. I think that is the key, be willing to try and keep at it!
Brenda
September 13, 2016 at 8:30 amOh gosh, this is a wonderful list. Ruthanne, I feel another blog post coming on. Can I quote you on this subject? What really strikes me personally is what you mention about having fun. I think putting an outfit together is the most fun. Some days, for whatever reason, aren’t filled with fun so if I bring my own fun package to the scene, it makes me feel more cheery. Thanks for jumping in and adding to the discussion! I love it!
Ruthanne
September 20, 2016 at 1:41 pmAbsolutely, quote away! I am actually quoting Imogen Lamport! I joined the Evolve Your Style challenge over a year ago. Time and time again as we work through various style challenges we are reminded to have fun. It is so much fun! I check the EYS FB page throughout the day to see what my EYS friends are wearing and how they are progressing. It is so awesome, inspiring and more fun than I could have possibly imagine!
Ruthanne
September 20, 2016 at 3:41 pmP.S. I think not giving up has a lot to do with your nature. I am playful, lighthearted and optimistic. Therefore I see the a hopeful future, full of possibilities. Not everyone is blessed with such an outlook and I am consciously grateful for it.
Something you had said in a blog post a while back really inspired the fun factor when dressing is your comment about “friskiness”! I was really wowed by that and let that simmer on my back burner! I must tell you about my frisky find this past spring. I bought what I thought was a nightgown or caftan in a silky dark navy blue with crocheted detail at the neck. I imagined I would wear it as a beach cover up. I put it on a few times to get the feel of it. It was silky and cooling. It was above the knee though, gulp! When summer arrived I decided to wear it as a dress! I bought two “kimono” style lightweight toppers. One a vibrant floral, the other a geometric pattern in more subtle colors. I this combo of “dress” and kimono and wore them on several occasions including my husband’s work party! Wearing my nightgown in public was certainly frisky, lol!
Brenda
September 20, 2016 at 6:17 pmNow that is a very frisky outfit! I LOVE it! Thanks for sharing it. You bringing up that word (and I remember using it!) makes me think I need to add it to my style words. I really do love having fun with clothes and the message of clothes. It’s such a vivid language! Your story reminded me of a beach coverup that I bought knowing I’d NEVER wear it on the beach. I ended up wearing it in a super sleek outfit with heels and everything for my birthday a year back. I felt like I was really pulling one over on someone!
Bring on the frisky!
Brenda
September 20, 2016 at 6:14 pmOh Imogen is the best! Love her. Happy to be able to call her a valued colleague and a friend. She got me to go to Sydney to teach and it was a trip to remember, for sure.
She was telling me about this program. It sounds wonderful! I love the feeling of like minded people enjoying what they enjoy. Bravo!