My sister-in-law, Wendy, called me from Minnesota one day last spring and said, “What’s your cup size?” As I recall, she didn’t even start with, “This is your favorite sister-in-law.” Which she is. She’s my favorite and my only sister-in-law and she likes to remind me about that. (And I like hearing her do it!)
You don’t mess with Wendy so I put the phone down to go take a look. “D,” I reported. “Why?”
“Oh, I’m knitting prosthetic breasts for women who have had a mastectomy. Can I make you one?” she said. Wendalyn is very generous.
“Well, sure, go for it, Wendalyn,” I said. That’s what I call my favorite sister-in-law. Wendalyn is married to my brother, Kirk. Sometimes we call her Saint Wendy.
So one night on this August trip to Minnesota to see my family, she came over to the lake house with bags of boobs (breasts, girls, knockers, whatever you call them) in all different sizes. She had a bag of D cups and pulled one out.
“Wow, they have nipples and everything,” I said. “How does it work?”
“You see this hole in the back? That’s where you stuff fiberfill,” she said. Of course, she had a bag of fiberfill with her. This girl’s efficient!
Well, I’ll be darned! I was eager to try one so she stuffed what she thought would be enough fiberfill to match my true boob and I tried it on.
It’s so soft! Boy, I think of when I had my surgery back in 2004 and how much I would have appreciated getting one of these. It takes a long time before you can wear a regular bra with a prosthesis especially if you go through radiation as well. That area is so very tender. To have had a very soft no-underwire bra with this as the prosthetic would have given me comfort and confidence in those early weeks.
How Knitted Knockers came to Fergus Falls
Wendy’s always knitting. I mean ALWAYS! She has a knitting bag with her at all times. She hosts a gathering of knitters at her house every Thursday night. They’ve been meeting since 2008. One of the knitters wanted the group to do some charity knitting. She went to www.knittedknocker.org and found out about the work they do for women going through surgeries. She wrote a grant and Thrivent gave the group $250 to buy the materials to make the knitted knockers. The knitting group has been busy making knockers and will deliver them in September to the cancer center in Fergus Falls where Wendalyn lives. Surgeons at the Fergus Falls Medical Group will prepare a care pack and dispense the knitted knockers to patients for free after surgery.
The family thought of more things to stuff
The next day the whole clan plus my friend, Pattiricia, gathered at my niece Carly’s house to celebrate my brother Kirk’s birthday. It was a boisterous affair as could be predicted. There was great grandpa, Don (my dad), the next generation of wise elders which would include, Wendy, Pattirica, my brothers Brent and Kirk. and me. Then there was the next generation after that: Carly, Jessie, Josh, and Carly’s husband, Lee. Then came the grandkids: Preston, Julia Grace, and Maya. Darn, I wanted to get a family photo but didn’t. Sydney was at work and Owen wasn’t there and Natalie was visiting her dad. I think I’ve remembered everyone.
Any hoo, I brought attention to my boobs. “I’m wearing one of Wendalyn’s knitted knockers,” I said proudly, pointing to my chest.
The hubbub started. Suddenly the idea of stuffing things and giving Wendalyn new ideas for what she can do with her knitting time became our top priority. Wendy kept saying “charity” and we kept saying “commerce, Baby.” It started with a name change for Knitted Knockers. My niece Jessie said, “How about calling them Knittie Titties, Wendy’s Knittie Titties?” We all thought that was brilliant and hilarious.
Then I thought of other areas that could use some padding, like many women’s behinds after they’ve turned 60. It’s a big complaint! “Where did my butt go?” they lament.
We all agreed the next thing Wendy should knit would be padding for butts to make them fuller and rounder again. For people who never had any to begin and were curious about them it would be augmentation without the surgery and the high costs. Does that sound like a runaway great seller or what? Kirk said, “Go for it, Wendy!”
The birthday table turned into the conference table
Of course, it would need marketing. The dishes were cleared from the birthday celebration meal and now it was a boardroom table. One of the board members suggested they be called Wendy’s Knitted Asses but I think it was my brother, Kirk, who made them sound more upscale, sophisticated and expensive by suggesting they be called Wendy’s Knitted Assets. I’d be first in line to purchase that product!
The board members came up with the first draft of the marketing copy announcing the earliest deliveries.
Have you lost your behind? Now you can order Wendy’s Knitted Assets. Get your new behind set while the price is still lower than your ass.
I don’t know; maybe that needs a little work. Maybe you had to be there but we loved watching Wendy squirm at our expense.
Followup to my Knitted Knocker
I was wearing my Knitted Knocker one day when I was back home in Sonoma. I saw myself in the mirror once and realized my Knitted Knocker was heading north. Uh-uh. That could be a problem if I was wearing something tight! It was obvious my heavier Amoena breast form weighed more for a reason. The weight of it mirrored the weight of my true boob. So I’m thinking that for the long haul the Knitted Knocker would be best for women with A or B cups.
But I still wear mine! I wore it the other day while I was running errands around Sonoma. I had my lightweight Eileen Fisher linen jean-styled jacket on over my sleeveless T-shirt. My evenness would be camouflaged by that jacket if the form started moving outside the straight line of my bust.
It’s really nice to take a break from the Amoena form. While I’m an older veteran to this one breast thing, I really think about what an especially great service this is to women facing this change for the first time.
Now off you go to www.knittedknocker.org to get more information in case you want a new knitting project or are someone in need of a new knocker.
I just have to ask: Do I have any signups for Wendy’s Knitted Assets? I think we could put her into business! Any marketing ideas to share? I’ll pass them on to Wendalyn and her board members.